she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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