sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There's always time for handjobs
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
