She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
