I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
