Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
