The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
