I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
