I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
