If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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