First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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