if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
