I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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