ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
