I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
