I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
