Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
