Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
