I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
