Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
