I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
