My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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