my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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