dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
PANTIES FOUND
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