also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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