Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
