Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
