I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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