she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
