ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
