I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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