Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
