There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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