She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
