I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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