Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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