Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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