he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
