You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
nutella sex= disaster
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
