he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
