This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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