this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
