I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
