I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
