Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
