So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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