Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
