I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
