Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
