Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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