remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
