I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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