I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
