he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
