He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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