so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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